Digest for Sunday, October 22, 1995
There are 14 messages totalling 553 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Socialization of the Sexes; again and again < poss. off. sexual theme>
- Wauism - the religion for you? #1/3
- Getting a bargain.
- Another Skydiving Story
- Australian goes to NYC
- Oregon Humor
- Humor: Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
- Politics plus
- One of young Abe Lincolns favorite stories
- words of wisdom
- Float like a butterfly.
- Whats Next on the Net <"clean" - really>
- Why ask why?
- Dog joke. (A tad offensive).
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 00:29:35 -0400
From: Robert Thomas <RCOMIC@AOL.COM>
Subject: Socialization of the Sexes; again and again < poss. off. sexual theme>
Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We haven't got a clue as to empathizing
with another human being. Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the
shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go
Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer. Female bonding is another
thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss,
talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how
clueless we men are. Example from my marriage:
Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television,
and said "We have to talk." Being new to the married thing, and not knowing
the ramifications of a "we have to talk" talk, I immediately turned the TV
off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said
"Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it." This was, I
thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should
make under the circumstances. She tured tear-filled eyes toward me and said
"I feel all empty inside." I said (and here comes the clueless part), "Well,
why don't you make yourself a sandwich, then? We could order some carry-out."
When I woke up, my clothes were tossed all over the room, and I was still in
them. I had a splitting headache, and a vague realization that I had made
some major mistake. I
wasn't sure just what it was, but after a few repetitions of, more or less,
this same scene, it began to dawn on me....at least once each day a woman is
going to ask her man a question that will determine his sex life for the next
twenty-four hours. The trick is learning to spot just which question this is.
It could be something as simple as "Did you like your dinner?" to the always
confusing, and always fustrating "Do I look fat in this?" There is no right
answer to this question. Either way, you're screwed...or not screwed to be
exact. But one question should be banned from the female volcabulary: "Do you
think she's prettier than me?" She always is, but we have to lie, and lie
convincingly, to get laid that night.
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Date: Sun, 22 Oct 1995 23:46:00 +0400
From: Jeff Guinzburg <jeff@ISI.NOVIX.NS.CA>
Subject: Wauism - the religion for you? <off. to the religous> #1/3
Subject: Wauism - the religion for you? <off. to the religous> #1/3
WARNING: IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, PLEASE READ NO FURTHER!
Dear Friendly Friend:
How many times have you wanted to fill that yawning spiritual void in
your life but just weren't able to find the time or the energy? How
often have you wanted to form a more personal relationship with a
Higher Authority but just couldn't get turned on by that same old tired
selection of Supreme Beings? Haven't you ever wished there was just one
religion out there that understood you, Friendly Friend, that indulged
you, one that fit in with your creative, dynamic lifestyle? Well, at
last, thanks to the Creators of Wauism, there is. Finally, there's a
faith that works for you, Friendly Friend, instead of the other way
around. After all these years, and following an in-depth market
research study, Wauists Worldwide (A full-service non-profit agency not
affiliated with CBS International) has come up with a religion that
draws upon the best features of some of the world's most popular
denominations, but goes them all far better!
Yes, Friend, that's right! Wauism is everything some religions are and
much, much more. It's not just a job, it's an adventure; it's a breath
mint, and a candy mint; it's everything you always wanted in a God and
less. Designed using the latest in CAR (Computer-Aided Religion)
technology, here's just a few of the features Wauism offers:
1. Guaranteed Salvation. Guaranteed. Other religions require you
to behave a certain way in the here-and-now in order to make out in the
hereafter; with Wauism, you can do whatever you want, because your
salvation is guaranteed! Wauism realizes you've got enough to worry
about in life without having to be nervous about where you're headed
after you die, so relax! As a Wauist, death means never having to have
said you're sorry. Whatever Heaven you want is yours; or if you'd
rather just be dead, that's fine, too.
More tomorrow (sliced up to comply with HUMOR's rules)...
NOTE: This has been a FORWARDED MESSAGE from lotd owner
<lotd-owner@world.std.com> (AKA joeshmoe@world.std.com, administrator of
LaughWEB (http://www.misty.com/laughweb/)) to list lotd on
majordomo@world.std.com at 10/22/95 12:10 AM entitled "Laugh Of The Day -
Sun, Oct 22 1995" - taken from URL
http://www.misty.com/laughweb/religion/wauism.the.religion.for.you
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 07:10:18 -0400
From: Ken Brousseau Sr. <Kbrousseau@AOL.COM>
Subject: Getting a bargain. <bad taste>
On a busy downtown corner, two street urchins had attracted a group of
people. One of them stepped up to a lady in the front row and asked:
"Lady, if you will give me a quarter, my little brother will imitate a hen."
"What will he do?" asked the lady. "Cackle?"
"Naw," replied the urchin. "He wouldn't do a cheap imitation like that. He'll
eat a worm."
**If you see a person without a smile, give him one of yours.**
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 12:55:05 EST
From: David Beach <BEACH@CMC.CZ>
Subject: Another Skydiving Story
In the early '70s, Richard Nixon, Spiro Agnew, Henry Kissinger, an
old priest, and a hippie were on an airplane. Suddenly, the pilot
radioed that the plane was going down, and for all of them to put on
a parachute pack and jump. Alas, there were only four packs. The
five of them discussed what they should do.
Richard Nixon said: "I am the President of the United States. The
nation and the world needs me. I must take a parachute and jump."
And out of the plane he jumped, and he floated safely to earth.
Spiro Agnew said: "I am the Vice-President of the United States. If
anything were to happen to President Nixon, I would have to take over
his tremendous job. I must take a parachute and jump." And Agnew
floated safely to earth, too.
Henry Kissinger said in his thick German accent: "I am the smartest
man in the world. The world cannot live without me." And he took a
pack and jumped.
The old priest and the hippie were left. The priest said to the
young man: "Son, God has been good to me all these years, and I am
old. Please, take the last parachute and live well."
To which the hippie replied: "Don't worry, Father. The smartest man
in the world just took my backpack."
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 08:33:24 -0400
From: Charlie Indelicato <CharlieIn@AOL.COM>
Subject: Australian goes to NYC <offensive to Australians, vulgar>
A guy from Australia is in Times Square. He meets a prostitute and they
agree to go to his hotel.
As she takes off her top, he throws the chair out the window.
She's puzzled, but continues. As she takes of her pants, he throws the bed
out of the window.
She says "Hey buddy! Do you have any idea what we're going to do here???"
"I think I do ma'am," he replies. "And if it's anything like doing it with a
kangaroo, we're going to need plenty of room!!"
==============================
Charlie Indelicato = = Saylorsburg, PA
"These days, and after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the check!"
- Alfred E. Newman
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 07:33:00 EDT
From: Lynn, Jon <lynnj@DASW.COM>
Subject: Oregon Humor <off. Oregonians>
From: B. Marshall (bm@bogus.com)
An Oregonian, a Californian and a Texan were out camping. They
were lazing around a campfire when the Texan pulled out a bottle
of tequila and after taking a couple of swallows, threw the bottle
up in the air, pulled out his six shooter and neatly shot the
bottle. The Californian noted that there was still some tequila
left in the bottle, but the Texan replied, "That's okay, we have
plenty of tequila where I come from."
The Californian promptly brought out his bottle of White Zinfandel,
took two swallows, threw it up in the air and shot it with a 9mm
semiautomatic Glock pistol with a 15-shot clip, stating: "We have
plenty of this where I come from."
The Oregonian took all this in and finally opened a bottle of
Henry's Blue Boar Irish Ale. He downed the entire bottle, threw
it up in the air, shot the Californian with a 12-gauge shotgun he
kept around for birds and deftly caught the bottle. The Texan's
jaw dropped nearly to his silver buckle and his eyes widened nearly
as wide as the buckle. The Oregonian, momentarily puzzled at the
reaction, finally piped up: "It's okay, we have plenty of Californians
where I come from and where I come from I can get a nickel for this
bottle!"
--
Jokes from the JON
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 07:36:27 +0600
From: Randall Woodman <randallw@ADSS.ESY.COM>
Subject: Humor: Bill Gates Goes to Heaven <Micro$oft Bashing>
Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When
he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were
literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to
do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks,
while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.
Booze and drugs were being passed around. Fights were commonplace.
Sanitation conditions were appalling. All in all, the scene looked like
Woodstock gone metastatic.
Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the
staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens,
face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM
PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the
voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is Gabriel and
I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to ask a question, but
Gabriel interrupted him. "No, I'm not the Archangel Gabriel. I'm just a
guy from Philadelphia named Gabriel who died in a car wreck at the age of
17. Now give me your name, last name first, unless you were Chinese in
which case it's first name first."
"Gates, Bill." Gabriel started searching though the sheaf of papers on
his clipboard, looking for Bill's Record of Earthly Works. "What's going on
here?" asked Bill. "Why are all these people here? Where's Saint Peter?
Where are the Pearly Gates?"
Gabriel ignored the questions until he located Bill's records. Then
Gabriel looked up in surprise. "It says here that you were the president of
a large software company. Is that right?"
"Yes."
"Well then, do the math chip-head! When this Saint Peter business
started, it was an easy gig. Only a hundred or so people died every day,
and Peter could handle it all by himself, no problem. But now there are
over five billion people on earth. Jesus, when God said to 'go forth and
multiply,' he didn't say 'like rabbits!' With that large a population, ten
thousand people die every hour. Over a quarter-million people a day. Do
you think Peter can meet them all personally?"
"I guess not."
"You guess right. So Peter had to franchise the operation. Now, Peter
is the CEO of Team Peter Enterprises, Inc. He just sits in the corporate
headquarters and sets policy. Franchisees like me handle the actual
inductions." Gabriel looked though his paperwork some more, and then
continued. "Your paperwork seems to be in order. And with a background like
yours, you'll be getting a plum job assignment."
"Job assignment?"
"Of course. Did you expect to spend the rest of eternity sitting on
your ass and drinking ambrosia? Heaven is a big operation. You have to
pull your weight around here!" Gabriel took out a triplicate form, had Bill
sign at the bottom, and then tore out the middle copy and handed it to Bill.
"Take this down to induction center #23 and meet up with your occupational
orientator. His name is Abraham." Bill started to ask a question, but
Gabriel interrupted him. "No, he's not *that* Abraham."
* * * * * * * * * * *
Bill walked down a muddy trail for ten miles until he came to induction
center #23. He met with Abraham after a mere six-hour wait.
"Heaven is centuries behind in building its data processing
infrastructure," explained Abraham. "As you've seen, we're still doing
everything on paper. It takes us a week just to process new entries."
"I had to wait *three* weeks," said Bill. Abraham stared at Bill
angrily, and Bill realized that he'd made a mistake. Even in Heaven, it's
best not to contradict a bureaucrat. "Well," Bill offered, "maybe that
Bosnia thing has you guys backed up."
Abraham's look of anger faded to mere annoyance. "Your job will be to
supervise Heaven's new data processing center. We're building the largest
computing facility in creation. Half a million computers connected by a
multi-segment fiber optic network, all running into a back-end server
network with a thousand CPUs on a gigabit channel. Fully fault tolerant.
Fully distributed processing. The works."
Bill could barely contain his excitement. "Wow! What a great job!
This is really Heaven!"
"We're just finishing construction, and we'll be starting operations
soon. Would you like to go see the center now?"
"You bet!"
Abraham and Bill caught the shuttle bus and went to Heaven's new data
processing center. It was a truly huge facility, a hundred times bigger
than the Astrodome. Workmen were crawling all over the place, getting the
miles of fiber optic cables properly installed. But the center was
dominated by the computers. Half a million computers, arranged neatly
row-by-row, half a million ....
.... Macintoshes ....
.... all running Claris software! Not a PC in sight! Not a single
byte of Microsoft code!
The thought of spending the rest of eternity using products that he had
spent his whole life working to destroy was too much for Bill. "What about
PCs???" he exclaimed. "What about Windows??? What about Excel??? What
about Word???"
"You're forgetting something," said Abraham.
"What's that?" asked Bill plaintively.
"This is Heaven," explained Abraham. "We need a computer system that's
heavenly to use. If you want to build a data processing center based on PCs
running Windows, then ....
.... GO TO HELL!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=} Randall {=- With code like Microsoft's, who needs viruses???
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 09:12:25 EDT
From: Carl Frank/WRF <Carl_Frank/WRF.WRF@WRF.COM>
Subject: Politics plus <off to homosexuals; rude>
Q: What do you get when you combine 50 lesbians with 50 government
bureaucrats?
A: 100 people that don't do dick!
Carl
cfrank@wrf.com
http://www.his.com/~cfrank
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 10:35:33 -0400
From: Curtis White <WHITE@CSTCC.CC.TN.US>
Subject: One of young Abe Lincoln's favorite stories
This one of the countless stories often told by Abraham Lincoln was one of his
favorites as a young man having just arrived in Illinois. It's known as "the
Lizard Story," and this is the version as published in the Lincoln biography by
Carl Sandburg. (Try to remember the chaste lifesyle and attitudes of the people
of the early 19th century while reading this.)
"In a meetinghouse deep in the tall timbers, a preacher was delivering
a sermon, wearing old-fashioned baggy pantaloons fastened with one button and
no suspenders, his shirt held at the collar by one button. In a loud voice he
announced his text, 'I am the Christ, whom I shall represent today.' About
then a little blue lizard ran up under one pantaloon leg. The preacher went
ahead with his sermon, slapping his leg. After a while the lizard came so high
that the preacher was desperate, and, going on with his sermon, unbuttoned the
one button that held his pantaloons; they dropped down and with a kick were
off. By this time the lizard had changed his route and circled around under
the shirt at the back, and the preacher, repeating his text, 'I am the Christ,
whom I shall represent today,' loosened his one collar button and with one
sweeping movement off came the shirt. The congregation sat dazed, everything
still for a minute; then a dignified elderly lady stood up slowly and, pointing
a finger toward the pulpit, called out at the top of her voice, 'I just want to
say that if you represent Jesus Christ, sir, then I'm done with the Bible."
- Curtis White, WHITE@CSTCC.CC.TN.US
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 10:30:33 -0500
From: James Thorson <jthorson@CWIS.UNOMAHA.EDU>
Subject: words of wisdom
Q. What's the worst thing about oral sex?
A. The view.
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 13:29:45 EDT
From: MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Float like a butterfly.
Two skyscrapers were constructed close together. On the top floor of
one there was a restaurant and a bar. Two guys were having a drink in
the bar when one said, "These buildings are so close together, there's
a strong current of air that comes up between them. It's so strong, a
person can step out the window and it keeps them from falling." The
other guy scoffs at this idea so the first guy bets $50 it'll work. He
opens the window, steps outside, hovers in the air for a few minutes
and then climbs back inside. "Even though you just saw me do it, I'll
bet another $50 you're afraid to try it." "Why should I be afraid, I
just saw you do it and there's no reason why it won't work for me too."
He steps out the window, falls like a ton of bricks, screams all the
way down and splatters himself all over the pavement below. The
bartender walks up to the remaining guy and says, "Superman, you sure
are a jerk when you're drunk!" Lyle's Joke Boutique.
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 17:14:24 EDT
From: Carl Frank/WRF <Carl_Frank/WRF.WRF@WRF.COM>
Subject: What's Next on the Net <"clean" - really>
In his.internet.users, ph@his.com (Paul Heller) wrote:
>While taking a break from the repair work this evening I did a WHOIS
>search on Procter (as in Procter & Gamble) - thought you'd get a kick out
>of some of the domains they've registered ...
>whois procter
>Procter & Gamble (OLDSPICE-DOM) OLDSPICE.COM
>Procter & Gamble (PAMPERS-DOM) PAMPERS.COM
>Procter & Gamble (PANTENE-DOM) PANTENE.COM
>Procter & Gamble (PRINGLES-DOM) PRINGLES.COM
>Procter & Gamble (SUNNYD-DOM) SUNNYD.COM
>Procter & Gamble (TIDE-DOM) TIDE.COM
>Procter & Gamble (VIDALSASSOON-DOM) VIDALSASSOON.COM
>Procter & Gamble (XIVA-DOM) XIVA.COM
>Procter & Gamble (CLEARASIL-DOM) CLEARASIL.COM
>Procter & Gamble (COVERGIRL-DOM) COVERGIRL.COM
>Procter & Gamble (CRISCO-DOM) CRISCO.COM
>Procter and Gamble (FLU-DOM) FLU.COM
>Procter and Gamble (FOLGERS-DOM) FOLGERS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (FRESHNESS-DOM) FRESHNESS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ALEVE-DOM) ALEVE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (GERMS-DOM) GERMS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (GUM-CARE-DOM) GUM-CARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (GUMS-DOM) GUMS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (HAIR-CARE-DOM) HAIR-CARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (HEADACHE-DOM) HEADACHE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (HEALTH-CARE-DOM) HEALTH-CARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ALWAYS2-DOM) ALWAYS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (HUGOBOSS-DOM) HUGOBOSS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (HUGOWORDSLAM-DOM) HUGOWORDSLAM.COM
>Procter and Gamble (HYGIENE-DOM) HYGIENE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (IVORY-DOM) IVORY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (IVORYLIQUID-DOM) IVORYLIQUID.COM
>Procter and Gamble (JIF-DOM) JIF.COM
>Procter and Gamble (KNOWLEDGE-NET-DOM) KNOWLEDGE-NET.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ANTIPERSPIRANT-DOM) ANTIPERSPIRANT.COM
>Procter and Gamble (LAUNDRY2-DOM) LAUNDRY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (LUVS-DOM) LUVS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (MAXFACTOR-DOM) MAXFACTOR.COM
>Procter and Gamble (METAMUCIL-DOM) METAMUCIL.COM
>Procter and Gamble (MRCLEAN-DOM) MRCLEAN.COM
>Procter and Gamble (NAILS-DOM) NAILS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (NOXEMA-DOM) NOXEMA.COM
>Procter and Gamble (NOXZEMA-DOM) NOXZEMA.COM
>Procter and Gamble (OILOFOLAY-DOM) OILOFOLAY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (OLAY-DOM) OLAY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PAPERTOWEL-DOM) PAPERTOWEL.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PAPERTOWELS-DOM) PAPERTOWELS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PERT-DOM) PERT.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PERTPLUS-DOM) PERTPLUS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PIMPLES-DOM) PIMPLES.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ATTENDS-DOM) ATTENDS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PUFFS-DOM) PUFFS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (PUNCH-DOM) PUNCH.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ROMANTIC-DOM) ROMANTIC.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SASSOON-DOM) SASSOON.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SCALP-DOM) SCALP.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SCENT-DOM) SCENT.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SECRETAPDO-DOM) SECRETAPDO.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SENSITIVE-DOM) SENSITIVE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SENSUAL2-DOM) SENSUAL.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BABYDIAPER-DOM) BABYDIAPER.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BABYDIAPERS-DOM) BABYDIAPERS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SINUS-DOM) SINUS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BACTERIA-DOM) BACTERIA.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BADBREATH-DOM) BADBREATH.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SKIN-HELP-DOM) SKIN-HELP.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SPICNSPAN-DOM) SPICNSPAN.COM
>Procter and Gamble (SPICSPAN-DOM) SPICSPAN.COM
>Procter and Gamble (STAINS-DOM) STAINS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (THIRST-DOM) THIRST.COM
>Procter and Gamble (TISSUE-DOM) TISSUE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (TISSUES-DOM) TISSUES.COM
>Procter and Gamble (TOILETPAPER-DOM) TOILETPAPER.COM
>Procter and Gamble (TOOTHPASTE-DOM) TOOTHPASTE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (TOPJOB-DOM) TOPJOB.COM
>Procter and Gamble (TOWELS-DOM) TOWELS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ULAY-DOM) ULAY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (UNDERARM-DOM) UNDERARM.COM
>Procter and Gamble (UNDERARMS-DOM) UNDERARMS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BEAUTIFUL-DOM) BEAUTIFUL.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BEAUTY-CARE-DOM) BEAUTY-CARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (VAPORRUB-DOM) VAPORRUB.COM
>Procter and Gamble (VAPORUB-DOM) VAPORUB.COM
>Procter and Gamble (VICKS-DOM) VICKS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (VIZIR-DOM) VIZIR.COM
>Procter and Gamble (ZEST-DOM) ZEST.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BRIGHTEN-DOM) BRIGHTEN.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BRIGHTENING-DOM) BRIGHTENING.COM
>Procter and Gamble (BRIGHTENS-DOM) BRIGHTENS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CAKEMIX-DOM) CAKEMIX.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CAMAY-DOM) CAMAY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CAVITIES-DOM) CAVITIES.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CHARMIN-DOM) CHARMIN.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CHEER-DOM) CHEER.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CHILD-CARE-DOM) CHILD-CARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CLEAN2-DOM) CLEAN.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CLEANS-DOM) CLEANS.COM
>Procter and Gamble (COMPLEXION-DOM) COMPLEXION.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CONDITION-DOM) CONDITION.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CONDITIONER-DOM) CONDITIONER.COM
>Procter and Gamble (COOKINGOIL-DOM) COOKINGOIL.COM
>Procter and Gamble (COUGH-DOM) COUGH.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CRESTCOMPLETE-DOM) CRESTCOMPLETE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (CRESTTOOTH-DOM) CRESTTOOTH.COM
>Procter and Gamble (NET-PGCOM) PGCOM 137.182.0.0
>Procter and Gamble (DANDRUFF-DOM) DANDRUFF.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DENTALCARE-DOM) DENTALCARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DENTURES-DOM) DENTURES.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DEODERANT-DOM) DEODERANT.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DIARRHEA-DOM) DIARRHEA.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DISH-DOM) DISH.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DISHCARE-DOM) DISHCARE.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DISHES-DOM) DISHES.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DISINFECT-DOM) DISINFECT.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DOWNY-DOM) DOWNY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DRY-DOM) DRY.COM
>Procter and Gamble (DUNCANHINES-DOM) DUNCANHINES.COM
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 19:36:51 -0400
From: Gwen Eckman <fool@UDEL.EDU>
Subject: Why ask why?
WHY ASK WHY
-----------
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink
and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of
parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the
mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on
the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the
pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you
turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if
the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?
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Date: Mon, 23 Oct 1995 19:47:00 -
From: Howard, Dan <HOWARDD@MS2.AES.COM>
Subject: Dog joke. (A tad offensive).
Q. Why do dog's lick their dicks?
A. Because they can.
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